Thou Shalt Not Fear

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This week has been a little troubling.

Although patching things up with my Dad during All Saints' Day left me feeling humbled and relieved at the same time, it has also opened doors (again) for the threat of evil to creep back into my and my sister's life as well as that of our own families. I guess it's the price we have to pay to bring back a semblance of the family we used to have before Mommy died.

Middle of this week, Cha called me to say that Dad has told her his sister from the States has come home and wants to see Asti. She told Dad that if she really wanted to see her child, she had to come to their house as she'll never  go to Sampaloc. Told her it was ok since that's her decision but what I didn't tell her was that I feared that these people has found a way to enter our peaceful lives again and create havoc. Didn't fear having them in our lives before because Mom was there and her family to protect us from their moral (or should I say lack thereof) influence. But now that Mom and her Aunts were gone and with Ate Jinky and Mommyla far away, I'm fearing the worst.

Then last night as I was checking my Facebook account, I noticed my wall with an update from Marti 33 minutes earlier when we were out of the condo the entire day. Thinking that somebody has been hacking Marti's account so we opened his Facebook and upon adjusting his privacy settings, I saw that one of my cousins from Sampaloc had sent him a birthday message, even after we deleted all of them from all our accounts! Marti agreed to secure his account and change his password but how I hoped that I could protect Marti and Asti as simple as changing passwords.

I prayed and meditated for wisdom and the answer came as light as day: "Thou Shalt Not Fear". The experience was so relevant to the Makati Feast's theme last Thursday which was "faithfulness". I realized that if I was indeed being faithful to Jesus that I will not be fearful of evil in any form because He has faith in me! Though our good influences have either passed away or far from us, their strength and wisdom runs deep in our veins and have and will make us withstand any kind of danger and harm. The same strength and wisdom which we are passing on to our own sons who even if they are related to these kind of people, will not be influenced by them, the same way we have endured.

Let me share this Bible verse regarding God's faithfulness to man and I hope it would also inspire you to endure knowing that despite our flaws, our fears and faithlessness, God will never waver from His Covenant of unconditional love for us!

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Proverbs 31: The Wife of Noble Character

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When I was looking for inspirational words to be my Mom's epitaph, I came across these lovely verses about the Wife of Noble Character from the Book of Proverbs:

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10^c A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

14She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

15She gets up while it is still dark;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.

16She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

18She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

19In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29“Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

30Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

***verses taken from Bible.com's New International Version.

Ended up getting excerpts from the verses and here's what was carved on to Mommy's gravestone:

Teresita D. Reyes
September 30, 1949-September 12, 2001
Daughter, Wife, Mommy, Cousin, Auntie
"She worth far more than rubies;
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
Many women do noble things but you surpass them all"

Salamat sa Mga Nagbabasa nang Blog ko at Pinayayaman Niyo Ako

I'd like to thank the people who have no better things to do but monitor me and my sister despite our ignoring them. By your meddling, you have earned me a total of $ 20.00 by just checking my blogs so please refer these to more of your relatives and your friends.

By the way, since you have become avid followers, please wait for my e-book version where "HINDI KAMI MAYAMAN" is chapter one. The book would be for public distribution by the end of August 2010 and would send you complimentary copies together with those I will be sending to Makati City Hall, Tropang Poblacion Facebook Group and to all relatives abroad.

Thank you again and happy reading!

From the Author

HINDI KAMI MAYAMAN

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For as long as I could remember, people have labeled me and my sister as “sosyal (elite)” or mayaman (rich); dressing, speaking and acting the way we do. Actually, the remarks were more directed to me because I was the one sent to Assumption College while Cha had a university education for her degree in medicine. In a third world country, being considered as elite should have been a compliment but coming from relatives with ulterior motives it always sounded like sarcasm, or worse, envy.

Yes, we speak in perfect English, constantly wary of using proper grammar. But that’s because of our privileged education and an early start with Mommy’s aunts who were all teachers. Yes, we have good taste in clothes, thanks to the fashion flair of Mommyla and Mommy. Yes, we seem to have been born and bred by Emily Post the way we conduct ourselves socially. But honestly, it’s just the way Mommy brought us up.

But the truth is this: WE ARE NOT RICH. We were never rich and we still are not. I could almost hear the unanimous gasps of disbelief of every friend, classmate, colleague and everyone in Poblacion, Makati who knew us: every single one who saw us drive our own cars (they’re not “ours” they are defective hand-me-downs from our Dad), who praised our chic clothes (they are not even branded as everyone assumed), who heard us confidently converse and mingle socially (well that’s breeding we got from Mommy). Everything I described about me and my sister was not brought about by a wealthy and spoiled lifestyle; we were molded this way because of our mother’s love and sacrifice. She never wanted us to feel deprived despite the real situation our family was in. The reality that despite the appearances of the rich life, we never had a lot of money, we didn’t even have our own house.

Even before I was born, we lived in Mommyla’s house in Poblacion, Makati. From what I learned, my parents were allowed to live there as Mommy, despite being a pampered only-daughter of one of the reputable families in Poblacion, settled to marry a neophyte engineer of the Munisipyo whose humble beginnings were from the slums of Manila. Tragedy struck when Daddylo was assassinated in front of the house in 1979; one of the many poltical killings at that time that was never publicized. I was 4 years old and Cha was 3 and we were both with him when he was gunned down. Our Dad being the only one working at that time since he never allowed Mommy to go back to work, became the breadwinner of the household. Since he was only starting out at that time, there was just enough to go by but Cha and I never felt that the family was struggling. It’s because Mommy made the simple things seem like luxuries: free Sanrio stickers from 2-peso chewing gums, paper dolls cut from Mod magazine, the almost daily lunch or dinner dish of steamed “gagamba” (spider in Filipino but actually it’s how we called blue-shelled crab which was mine and Cha’s favorite at that time), the not-so-often lasagna treat from the Bird House or fried chicken from Kentucky before it even became popular as KFC.

But more tragedy was yet to come. A few weeks later, an anomaly in Daddy’s department happened: someone complained of extortion from one of the engineers. Mayor Yabut, known to use an iron-hand in the management of Munisipyo employees, castigated the entire department with a blockade, freezing everyone’s salaries and benefits. Daddy was on the brink of being fired from his job. Mommyla, despite suffering from a nervous breakdown from Daddylo’s assassination, pulled herself together, mustered enough strength and courage then headed to Mayor’s office and not having an appointment, waited in line for hours to see her long-time Kumpare to plead the case of Daddy. Alas, Mayor Yabut saw her among the crowd, surprised that his Kumare was queuing to see him and invited her to his office. After learning that one of the reprimanded employees was Mommyla’s son-in-law and that he was the only breadwinner of the family at that time, Mayor Yabut immediately had Daddy reinstated.

From thereon, his career took off, rising from the ranks and becoming chief electrical engineer. With the promotions came the connections and with that he started an electrical contractor business, naming it after his father as sole proprietor to protect his position in the government. Reyes Electrical Services boomed in the 80s with their biggest contracts coming from Jollibee, building the food chain’s first 45 stores in the country. For the first time Daddy was able to buy a car and not be handed down one like his first car given by Daddy Boy, Mommy’s eldest brother. Still nothing felt different for me and Cha. We still lived in Mommyla’s house. We still went to the same Catholic school and were fetched by Mang Tomas’ tricycle despite the walking distance of our school from the house. We still received gifts only on our birthdays and on Christmas but mainly because of tradition plus the fact that we never asked for anything anyway. We always accepted what was given us and that was that, nothing more. Because Mommy raised us that whatever we have or whatever was given us, that was all there was to it because that was all that could be afforded. We bought the drama that there was only “enough” and that it would be too embarrassing to ask for more so Cha and I grew up never asking. But what we thought was a virtue was actually a curse; something that would be used to take advantage of us and eventually consume Mommy with grief that eventually cost her life.

The truth was we had to settle what was given us because Daddy had to provide for his side of the family. One day, Daddy asked us to dress up because we were going to a party at Sampaloc. Imagine Mommy’s surprise when he drove us and Mommy, not to the shack at the squatters’ area where his parents and siblings lived and where we visited them every weekend, but to a 3-storey duplex 3 blocks away from their former residence. And who bought and built the house for them? Surely not from Tatay’s measly veteran’s pension. Up to this day, Daddy’s siblings claim that the house was built from the fishery business that Tatay sold some years back. They had no idea that Mommy knew, in fact it was spread by their very own relatives, that Tatay’s fishery went bankrupt because a relative had duped him. What about Reyes Electrical Services? Oh yes, you’re right. The business that boomed due to Daddy’s connections and whose contracts were closed and sealed by the only electrical engineer in their family. Duh.

So now, the 3-storey duplex has become 4-storeys with 1 floor for each of Daddy’s siblings while we still don’t have a house that we can live in and call our own. Yes, we live in a rented 2-bedroom condominium. Yes, it’s rented, it’s not even lease to own. Daddy never had plans of buying us a house since, as he proudly claims, we are only daughters who would marry someday and should be provided by a house by our husbands and not by him. So daughters don’t have the right to be provided for but his sisters should be? Oh I must be an ingrate for almost forgetting: Daddy did buy Mommy a posh property in the expensive area of The Fort Global City. It’s where she’s been living for the past 9 years: at Heritage Park Cemetery.

On Parenting Parents

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"Mahirap ang magpalaki nang anak pero mas mahirap ang magpalaki nang magulang"
or in english "It's tough raising kids but it's tougher raising parents."

I heard this line the first time from my Mom and had no idea what she meant at that time. Through the years I slowly realized what she meant with our family living at Mommyla's (our maternal grandmother) house and my Mom was left with the task of taking care of Mommyla, not that my grandmother was an invalid, not at all! Mommyla was a diva before divas became in fashion in the Philippines! A local socialite known for her parties and flair for fashion. Although my Mom was just as fashionable and both held the respected positions at our matriarchal family, Mom was more of the quintessential housewife: quiet and refined and did her duties as the 
loving wife and mother to the hilt. No wonder they always clashed! They both had very strong personalities with Mommyla the ala-Gabriela Silang (a Philippine heroine/ warrior) archetype while Mom was the epitome of martyrdom as a wife.

When Mom passed away in 2001--- a day after 9-11--- the torch was passed on to me and my sister: now it's our turn to take care of our Dad when we moved out of Mommyla's house where we were born and lived for 28 years.